The tennis news of the past week, day after day mixed with news from the real world. A week made of Roland-Garros, of course, of 100 000 euros yellow wine tasting and raclette cheese in the subway.

The tennis news of the past week, day after day mixed with news from the real world. A week made of Roland-Garros, of course, of 100 000 euros yellow wine tasting and raclette cheese in the subway.


Monday, May 21st


If you live in Sweden, you should know that you will soon receive a booklet which has been printed in 4,8 million copies, which will teach you what to do in case a war starts. Once this has been cleared, everyone can take a look at the battles taking place on the ATP and WTA rankings. In the first one, the soldier Rafael Nadal took back his throne from the ex-king Roger Federer. In the second one, the lieutenant Maria Sharapova has won eleven spots and is now the world number 29. In other news, captan Timea Bacsinszky fired her coach and comandant, Dimitri Zavialoff. Fall out !



Tuesday, May 22nd


Here’s just in : currently the world number 453, Serena Williams won’t be among the top seeds at Roland-Garros this year. But before the start of the French Open, there are still a few tournaments to watch. In Lyon, for instance, where Dominic Thiem destroyed Carballes Baena (6-2, 6-4). Or in Geneva, where Marton Fucsovics defeated Albert Ramos-Vinolas (6-1, 6-2) while David Ferrer lost in the first round (for the fifth time in a row) against Peter Gojowczyk (2-6, 4-6). The Spaniard doesn’t need a calculator to understand that he’s not at the top of his form. However, we’ll need a 30 cm ruler in New-Zealand, as a court has asked to measure the penis of a man suspected of having sexually assaulted his victim. Desperate situations call for drastic remedies.



Wednesday, May 23rd


Cheese and France, what a love story…The proof with these four friends who decided to share a raclette in the Parisian metro. Meanwhile, Federer confessed his admiration for Serena Williams in the Wall Street Journal : « She’s had a completely different training (…) and has become on of the greatest, if not the greatest tennis player of all time (…) men and women taken together. » Sweet. In any case, neither Sloane Stephens, who was defeated by Yulia Putinttseva in Nuremberg (7-5, 4-6, 6-7), nor Lucie Safarova, who lost against Hsieh Su-wei in Strasbourg (2-6, 3-6) deserved the same amount of praise. But the same goes for Jack Sock and Joris de Loore, who respectively lost against Taylor Fritz (6-7, 2-6) and Gilles Simon (6-7, 2-6) in Lyon. Or Jared Donaldson and Noah Rubin, who where defeated by Stan Wawrinka (3-6, 4-6) and Fabio Fognini (7-6, 2-6, 2-6) in Geneva. Declarations of love can’t just be found anywhere.



Thursday, May 24th


67. The amount, in kilos, of cannabis which has been accidentally delivered to undercover policemen in Seine-Saint Denis, close to Paris. An event which logically unsettled Wawrinka, who was incapable of winning his match against Fucsovics (0-6, 4-6), John Isner, who couldn’t do much against Cameron Norrie (6-7, 4-6), and Sam Querrey, who was crushed by Guido Pella (5-7, 7-6, 6-7). In women’s tennis, the main news is not related to the sport itself : the man who assaulted Petra Kvitova with a knife in 2016 has finally been arrested. Without any cannabis on him.



Friday, May 25th


« Novak is one of the biggest players in the history of this sport. For me, he’s not coming back, he has always been here. It’s sometimes difficult to come back from an injury, but he has played really well in Rome, and is without a doubt one of the favorites to win the title here in Roland-Garros. » No one can name a rival for Nadal in the up and coming Grand Slam tournament ? No worries, the favorite of the tournament invented one as he named Novak Djokovic, who is now the world number 22. While waiting to see if the Spaniard is right, Thiem, who is really good on clay, qualified for the final in Lyon after two hard-fought battles against Guillermo Garcia-Lopez (6-7, 7-6, 6-4) et Dusan Lajovic (6-4, 5-7, 6-4). He’ll face Simon, who had an easier time against Norrie (6-1, 7-6). A little more to the north of France, in Sarreguemines, a 27 year-old prisoner tried to escape by hiding in the sewer. Where the prison guards caught him pretty easily. But it’s not really surprising : his mission seemed as impossible as Djokovic’s one in Paris. 



Saturday, May 26th


The big day of prize giving. Johanna Larsson picked up the trophy in Nuremberg, after defeating Alison Riske (7-6, 6-4). In Strasbourg, Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova was crowned after knocking out Dominika Cibulkova (6-7, 7-6, 7-6). And in Lyon ? Thiem, obviously, who won against Simon (3-6, 7-6, 6-1). Finally, Gojowczyk picked up his first trophy on the ATP circuit in Geneva, after defeating Fucsovics (6-2, 6-2). To celebrate, what better than a 1774 bottle of yellow wine sold for 100 000 euros at an auction in Jura, France ?



Sunday, May 27th


Too busy celebrating Real Madrid’s triumph in the Champions League, you didn’t wake up and missed the first day at Roland-Garros ? No worries, it’s only the beginning. A few things to remember however, as we’ve seen a few surprises : Wang Qiang destroyed Venus Williams (6-4, 7-5) and Kateryna Kozlova defeated Jelena Ostapenko, the title-holder (7-5, 6-3). As for the rest, Nick Kyrgios withdrew from the tournament, and incredibly, there aren’t enough lucky losers to compensate for the numerous injured players. Here you are, you now know everything. You can now sit comfortably in your couch, and zap between the different channels.