In tribute to all those players, half of the starting contingent, who will get out from this first round of the French Open without seeing the day. And for various reasons.
... You drew Rafael Nadal. Or Federer. Or Djokovic. Or Murray.
... You drew Serena Williams. Or Sharapova. Or any Russian player.
... You’re French.
... You only know two shots: the service and the volley. The rest is vulgar.
... For you, the only country of tennis is Australia.
... You're 5.6 and you will eat some big top spins.
... You're injured, but you still want to take your check. A first round in Grand Slam, it cannot be refused.
... You don’t know how to slide.
…Your name is Andy Roddick.
… You love good rallies, but those of Sebastien Loeb.
... For you, Madrid, Rome and Paris are just European capitals.
... The only Spanish person you respect is called Feliciano Lopez.
... You find it ridiculous to hit your shoes with your racket.
... You think that Roland Garros is the least prestigious Grand Slam tournament.
...You like arriving first to prepare for the season on grass.
... You're over 6.5 and you're not called Martin Verkerk.
... You always hated the colour orange.
...For you, Auteuil it is mainly a place for horse racing.
... You've never played five sets on clay.
... You play against a Spaniard or an Argentine in the next round.
... You're born in Florida but you grew up in California.
...You hold your racquet like a hammer.
... You're as flexible as a reed.
... After six months indoor, you arrive with smooth soles.
... You're going on tennis forums asking how to slide on clay.
... People answer you: "A tip, slide on your tiptoes. You have to get used to it, slide without touching any ball 5 minutes before playing."
... For you, Ochre is just made to paint.
... Besides, your friends call you “a painter” when you play on clay.
... You only have a spare pair of socks. And no other polo.
... You know that if it's wet, your ball will not move and if it is hot, you will get top spins in the face: in short, you pray for snow.
... According to you, the last great player at Roland was McEnroe. Since? Only lumberjacks. Yes, even Federer.
...You already have your train tickets to London. For Tuesday night.
... You curse the Musketeers. Without them, Roland Garros wouldn't have been built. This temple of death.