You know that you’re rubbish at tennis when...

Feb 12, 2015, 1:18:56 AM

You love tennis but you have never been very good at it. And the problem is that it's pretty obvious. Because yes, some evidence don't lie.

Victory? A theoretical concept. Matches? Anxious moments. Tennis? A hobby more than a sport. You, racquet in hand, you're pretty rubbish and it's obvious when...


... You hold your racquet like a table tennis bat.


… Or like a lemon.


... You still haven't decided: backhand with one or two hands?


... Besides, when the ball arrives on your backhand, you panic.


... Every time you hit the ball, it looks like you're going to go with it.


... You serve your second balls underarm.


... You sometimes grant yourself a third ball.


... And you move 3 feet forward on the court.


... When they pass, they look like drop shots.


... You always say: "First of Four" on your first serve of the match.


... When you make the ball bounce on the ground before serving, it falls on your foot and rolls up to the net.


... Basically, you prefer returning the ball than serving.


... Every time you serve, you feel like you're going to fall.


... You always take a bucket of balls to avoid spending more time picking up balls than playing.


... Besides, your friends prefer to play indoors with you...


... And they never bring new balls.


... You wear football shorts.


... And cheap trainers.


... You move with sidesteps on the court.


... When your opponent asks you to throw him the ball, you send it in the net...


... Your drop shots end up beyond your opponent's service box.


... But your lobs never pass the net.


... After ten minutes, you suggest, "Let's just play for fun, yeah? »


... You panic when you get into service boxes.


... You refuse to try smashes, you're way too afraid of yourself.


.... On the court, you settle between the service box and the baseline


... You’re happy to break a string, it's pro.


... But in many cases you play with a broken string without knowing it.


... You speak of rankings but deep down you don't know anything about it.


... The second ball never fits in your pocket.


... Except that you can't serve with two balls in your hand.


... When you play, nobody comes to cheer you up.


... You’ve tried table tennis, badminton, squash...


... You’re glad to be a substitute in team matches.


... Your best friend, in fact, is a wall.


... So, sometimes, you talk to him.


... You never know on which side to serve for tiebreaks.


... You mostly play when there's a Grand Slam going.


... You always ask if there is a consolation tournament.


... You’re also very happy to pass a round in a tournament.


... One day, you dream of passing a couple.


... 6-0 6-0, it doesn't only happen to Thierry Champion.


By Antoine Mestres, with Jérémy Francisco