Michaël Llodra answers the trivial questions of our quick interview just like he plays tennis: without fuss or second thoughts. Interview, serve and volley.   What's the secret of a great kiss? You know, I've...

Michaël Llodra answers the trivial questions of our quick interview just like he plays tennis: without fuss or second thoughts. Interview, serve and volley.

  What's the secret of a great kiss? You know, I've been with the same woman for 15 years... So I guess I would say today that it's the sensuality that makes the difference. Everything depends on the age, but when you're young, there are several techniques while you have a tendency to snog. Turning, and turning, and turning…   Everyone says that they love Arte. I guess you don’t watch it either? Absolutely not. I couldn't care less.   What does human meat taste like? Strong, like horse meat.   Are you part of the 8% of French people who fart in front of their dog for fun? I don't have a dog but if I did have one, I'd probably find it funny to let one go in front of him.   If you could go back to childhood, what would you get up to? I wouldn’t go back to do more stupid things, I’ve done enough already! No, actually, I would take the opportunity to go back to being 14 to 16 years old when I was in sports studies. We were playing tennis in the morning and going to lessons in the afternoon. This carefree period, it was extraordinary. With my friends, we had such a great time!   And if you could do once again something stupid that you did when you were a kid? To laugh out loud in class with my friends.   Where’s a woman’s place? It's horrible what I'm going to say: not far from the man.   Give me an argument in favour of Turkish toilet? I can't stand them, there’s always splash-back.   In your wildest dreams, what do you do? I go round vineyards, drinking good wine. Always with my mates...   What’s the most erotic thing about you? I'm going to say my bottom, but without much conviction.   List the parts of your body where you have already put perfume? I don't think I've ever put perfume on my ass or on my sex... Well, I would say on the neck and chest.   What’s the real age of Karl Lagerfeld? 110 years old! I've seen him in flesh for a Coca-Cola party and he does look quite old! We talked for two minutes, he’s very nice, but it's another world.   On what side do you use a suppository: tip side or hollow side? Tip side, it hurts less.   Why do some dads spank us when we're naughty? Because you have to be a dad to understand just how much a kid can get on your nerves!   What’s the opposite of a doormat? Damn, this one is hard. A "tamrood!"   Interview by Victor le Grand