Federer-Nadal finals? Not your cup of tea. Their rivalry? It bores you. You're a man of the noughties, you wear large and colourful shorts and you swear by the Lacoste cap. Yes, you're going to miss Andy Roddick.
...There won't be any easy opponents at Roland Garros anymore.
...You will now see him sitting in the stands of the Arthur Ashe Stadium. Alone, puffy, bearded and clapping Milos Raonic's serves.
...To see another marathon game, you'll have to wait until David Nalbandian makes it to Wimbledon.
...You know that it's possible to serve at 155 mph. For that, you just need to roll your shirt up and pull a weird face before hitting the ball, easy.
...Next summer, you will take affection for the chavs with caps, wide football shorts like the one you bought this year around Benidorm.
... You will teach your son how to fold the visor of his Lacoste cap, so he can make his way to school without getting hassled.
... You will always remember his tears in the final of the Davis Cup in 2007. The real tears of a hard man, not crocodile tears.
... You won't have anyone to beat your brother-in-law at Virtua Tennis at the arcade. You are fully aware that his "boom-boom" service got you out trouble many-a-time.
... You know it’s not a coincidence that Tarik Benhabiles, your boy’s first coach, has disappeared.
... You ask your osteopath to dislocate your right shoulder to be like your idol.
... You don't give a crap; you will call your daughter Andy.
...During the long winter evenings, you will watch this in a loop:
... Tongue-in-cheek humour and the "it was frustrating, miserable, bad, terrible, but other than that, it was fine" will finally disappear from press conferences.
... Since his marathon match against Andy Roddick, you hang out in the souk of Marrakech looking for Younes El Aynaoui. No luck, he lives in France.
... You know he represents an era, the early noughties, when Grand Slam titles didn't belong to anyone. Or rather to everyone.
... Proof, he only won one U.S. Open, against Juan Carlos Ferrero. Thanks, Juan Carlos.
… You won't see any of the ATP lads getting spanked on the set of the Weakest Link. Legend.
… When you see a hot babe on cover of Sports Illustrated you will remember that Andy, he fell in love with one of these cover girls, asked his agent to hunt her down to get her phone number, harassed her and finally succeeded, five months later. Today, Brooklyn Decker is still his wife.
…You know that no one on the tour will play Angry Birds
waiting for the rain to stop at Wimbledon.
…You love Texas. And that’s it.
… With time, you will realize that your idol let greatness pass him by. But you can’t do anything about it.
...You know that Lleyton Hewitt will follow him soon.
By Swann Borsellino, Antoine Mestres and Victor Le Grand