Tennis? It’s a passion. Your real job? To win. You, if you love Switzerland, it’s not because you like to pay less tax. If you wear white, it's because you look great in white. You are the best and you just can't...

Tennis? It’s a passion. Your real job? To win. You, if you love Switzerland, it’s not because you like to pay less tax. If you wear white, it's because you look great in white. You are the best and you just can't help it. You, you're a fan of Roger Federer.

  ...Your girlfriend is ugly but you don't care, it’s inner beauty that counts. ...You used to be a pain in the neck. But that was before. ...Besides, your mates are still wondering how you managed to become such a classy guy. It's true that it wasn't looking good for you. ...You know that when your player loses, it's always after a great match. And that's a champion's thing. ...You think that it's not thanks to Robin Soderling that Roger Federer won Roland Garros. ...Your father has a moustache. ...You know that Marc Rosset > Mark Ronson. ...Sometimes you have nightmares about Arnaud Di Pasquale. ...You love No Doubt and Gwen Stefani. ...You know that hairy arms, it's more than a Portuguese thing. It's a champion thing. ...Besides, You like Pete Sampras. ...You left your two-handed backhand to switch to a one-handed one, but it's a disaster. ...When you talk about Federer, you say "Rodger" as if you knew him very well. ...You wonder after a great passing shot if Rodger could have done the same. Then you realize that yes, he could have. ...You know nothing about football, but you like FC Basel. …You don’t wait for your wedding to wear white. …You cried when he won Roland Garros. …You wake up at 4 in the morning to watch him play in the Australian Open. …One day, you thought that you could do without a coach. Then you realized that no, you can’t. …You think that British players should put their money in the UK and learn tennis in Switzerland. …You razor is a Gillette, Your shaving cream is Gillette, but your watch is a Casio… …You think that his game comes from another planet, but that he’s the most human player you know. …You come to a game sporting with pride your latest Nike outfit, and you lose against a guy who’s dressed as a chav and playing with a wooden racket. …You compare him to James Bond: Federer never dies. …You compare him to Elizabeth II for the length of his reign. …For you, Rafael Nadal is just an “athlete”. …For you, he’s the best player of all time.   By Swann Borsellino  and Jérémy Francisco