BOOM. BOOM. This, this here is the noise of your tennis. You, you have a strong first ball, an extremely supple wrist and the love of the show. You don’t have much stamina and you don’t like clay courts. You, you are...

BOOM. BOOM. This, this here is the noise of your tennis. You, you have a strong first ball, an extremely supple wrist and the love of the show. You don’t have much stamina and you don’t like clay courts. You, you are a player of serve-and-volley.

...You're a critically endangered species, but the WWF doesn't do anything for you. ...Clay is for wimps. And besides, it stains. ...You know for a fact that you are an aesthete of your sport. ...Your son is called Pat, he is straightforward, and he uses sun cream. ...You’re a child of the Commonwealth. ...In your club, people call you "Boom-Boom" ...You can hold position in “the chair” for 14 minutes. ...For you, the point is won in two shots, three max. Beyond that, it's not tennis anymore... ...You know that Rod Laver is more than just a tennis court. ...Wimbledon feels like home. ...Pete Sampras and John McEnroe are your favourite players. ...Tim Henman could have made it, but he's a huge loser. ...You knew how to do a sliced backhand before you could walk. ....You really did question your game the day France beat Australia on grass in the Davis Cup by BNP Parisbas final in 2001. ...You move in to return a second serve and you think it's perfectly normal. ...You know that that the "chip & charge" is not an attack in World of Warcraft. ....Come rain, snow, or sun, be it in a Grand Slam or in a 250, the second serve, it’s return and volley. ...You curse Rafael Nadal and all the established passers. ...You know that it's because of technology that you’re a critically endangered species. ...You are taller than 6’5 and your knees are made of Kevlar. ...The hammer is your favourite tool. ...When you arrive at the net, you look like Casillas or Buffon facing a penalty kick. ...In the tournament, you annoy all your opponents. ...They say that you have a good service but that you only have an acceptable forehand and a mediocre backhand. ...On clay, you lose in straight sets and on hard-courts, you lose in three. ...At home, you have a sword and a portrait of Boris Becker. ....On Facebook, you are the “fan” of Leander Paes. ...You respect Roger Federer, but not that much. If he wanted to, he could be a real serve-and-volley player. ...Your service looks like that of Mahesh Bhupathi. ....You decided to keep your style of play the day India eliminated France in the Davis Cup by BNP Paribas, on clay, in 1993. ...In team matches, you only play doubles. ....You say it's maybe because of this that Radek Stepanek scored Martina Hingis. In fact, you can't imagine how it could be otherwise.   By Swann Borsellino and Jérémy Francisco