Spring always calls for the return of the clay and try as you might, you are not always ready for it. ... You're a vegetarian. A grass lover once, a grass lover always... ... You don’t know how to manage a drop...
Spring always calls for the return of the clay and try as you might, you are not always ready for it. ... You're a vegetarian. A grass lover once, a grass lover always... ... You don’t know how to manage a drop shot, especially when you just can’t catch them. ... You loved John McEnroe, Stefan Edberg, Patrick Rafter and you could marry Michael Llodra. ... One would not describe you as fit and muscular. ... Your soles are smooth like the tires of a MacLaren at the end of the Nurburgring Grand Prix. ... What you do, it’s serve and volley, serve and volley, and again, and again. Because it will pay off, you know it. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t make it to the service box yet and that the return passing shot was already announced a winner. ... When you think Nadal, you think “awkward FC Barcelona defender”. ... You just can’t wait for Feliciano Lopez in the second week of Roland Garros. ... You’ve been a member at TCMB for fifteen years (three indoor resin courts + four outside hard courts). ... You just can’t understand why the central court of Roland Garros gets all excited about a Brazilian who never goes to the net and draws hearts on the court after his matches. ... You get a bad groin injury when you climb stairs (or as soon as you spread your legs to catch a backhand cross-court) ... You're convinced (and, actually, you know) that the best defence is attack. ... You think that topspin is a weapon for cowards. ... You’re not into watching Steffi Graf’s legs for hours. ... You forget to sweep the drag mat and water the court after the match. ... You genuinely believed that Verkerk was going to win Roland in 2003. ... You hit flat balls that end up on the tarps one out of three times. ... You don’t know that Nadal is an alien, not an "earthy". …You try to convince your friends that Tomas Berdych can (and will) win Roland Garros. ... You still think that Magnus Norman and Philippe Dewulf were clay court masters. ... You hate listening to humming of (dis)pleasure for three sets. ... You wear shorts and sleeveless shirts while you're playing on hard courts. ... You move on the court as if you were ice-skating. ... Your son is called Goran.   By Jeremy Francisco and Rico Rizzitelli